i totally cant understand humans

.... earlier that day:

girl: omg ian i cant believe u are so fake
ian: wtf?
girl: u said this and that about me
ian: i never said such things
girl: well i heard from so and so
ian: obviously there is a misunderstanding here
girl: liar!
ian: oh well if u heard from a third party that i supposedly said something that was maybe about u.. then it surely thats enuf to jump to a ridiculous conclusion and never talk to me again
girl: so u admit it then? u jerk!

.. well thats obviously a condensed (and slightly exaggerated) version.. but thats basically a conversation today with friend of mine. she is heaps cut over something i never even did.. what the hell do i do about that? i mean she is understandably irrate.. but what more can i do than say "i didnt say that"? .. since i didnt.

im heaps torn about whether to get angry back (at the accusations) and thus risk making things worse.. or to jsut absorb the abuse and hope they figure it out themselves. then theres the school of thought that if theyd accuse me so readily and give up our friendship over something which i heard 2nd hand.. then maybe they arent true frens. i just hate to give up so easily.. i dont wanna be someone who loses friends out of apathy or laziness.

maybe i should just apologise.. since there appears to be no changing of minds.. it sorta feels like when someone is wrongfully imprisioned.. do u feign remorse for a crime u didnt commit just to get parole? or do u stand up for you innocence knowing that itll result in further punishment? (not that i consider myself nearly as unjustly treated as the wrongfully imprisioned.. its just an analogy)

.. well the ole angst-o-meter is at a new all time high (well for non "girl" related levels anyway =p).. i dont really know what to do.. advice? you all know how the comments work by now.

mixed elements
so after a seemingly endless drought.. we won our first div4 frisbee game =) yay us. at the start it was a bit of an ian highlight reel... to the point where i think they got a lil annoyed that i was doing so much. i let up heaps on defense.. and a bit on offence.. and the game became more even.. in fact exactly even =p we still won in the end.. and im very glad that i didnt win the game.. our team played well and deserved a win without the other team thinking "it was that one guy who won it".. it was uplifting at least =)

the second game was much less good.. we played this notoriously bitchy team.. and nothing was really diff. they were better than us.. but they felt the need to rub it in an complain all the time. i dun even wanna talk about it =p i took two massive dives .. and dropped both.. but managed to land right in a dirt patch on each end of the field .. so i had dirt and grass all down my shorts =p

find a circus ring with a flying trapeze
snow snow snow! mm. im rather hyped up atm.. i had a pretty good session this weekend =) im progressing ok i think.. i didnt have any bad falls at all.. and i hit the terrain park a fair bit. im seriously a mere matter of degrees away from landing a 360.. frustratingly close =p i saw my cousin there (who i basically taught how to snowboard) and he has surpassed me (grr!)... he was doing 180s up onto the picnic tables!!! dang

me and my brother are considering constructing a funbox in our backyard to work on our box/rail techniques. ive seen a few sites on the net about it.. and it doesnt look too hard to set up =)

.. back to the trip..
we left at midnite on thursday nite.. (crazy).. we drove around cabra for a while.. and um.. tried to organise ppl into cars n such. most of the ppl id never met before.. and some of them i sorta kinda knew as friends of friends.. but they all seemed very nice. they were amusingly articulate considering how frequently they used the f word =p whilst retelling my snow adventures at an rba breakfast.. i happened to mention this f word.. and the doods at work were like "i think thats the first time ive ever heard ian swear, it sounded so out of place" hehe. back in first year i made a deliberate effort to not swear (cos i did so so much at school).. and i sorta weeded it out.. till now =p

..but i digress.. the drive down was ok cept for the driving kept needing to have a smoke.. not by stopping, but by lighting up and opening a window.. brrr. it didnt really bother me that much.. and he was very apologetic. at cooma maccas i think i saw chitos sister.. cept i wasnt realyl sure.. so i didnt say anything =p

.. the lodge was awesomeness =) it was brand new.. we were the 4th group to stay there. it was 2 stories + a loft. and had all heated floor tiles. it was fully decked out with brand new appliances and LCD screens and other cool stylish furniture and a fireplace .. and a BBQ.. and an outdoor gas heater.. it was jsut goodness all around =)

on the first nite we sorta drank a lot.. like heaps.. i was totally spaced out at the end.. im suprised i could stand.. but no one seemed to notice that i was so out of it (possibly cos theyd had so much more than me).. but se sat around and chatted about the world.. and ppl and such.. it was very pleasant.. it was a nice change to hang out with different ppl. we also all cooked dinner together.. we made these tortilla roll things.. we didnt make them well.. but we made them.. hehe

i still managed to get up almost in time for first lifts (staying on snow is so teh awesome).. the others didnt get up quite as well.. but thats cool since i didnt have to wait for them =) these ppl werent heaps good (in fact some were uber n00bs).. but they were all brave .. and tried stuff which is always good to see.

.. im too lazy to fill in this middle area cos not much happened.. cept one of the girls drove a guys car into a ditch =p what was also cool was when these guys made two sets of pasta for lunch.. one with mushrooms and one without.. jsut cos i happened to mention my dislike for mushrooms earlier in the car. sniff *wipes away a tear* .. this a stark contrast to the "well its this or nothing" treatment i always get from my own frens. but i wont go into that here (i might a bit later on) .. not that im bitter or anything.

.. on the last day one of the doods lauched off the rainbow box at merrits.. cos he thought it was a jump .. and needless to say, the landing wasnt that great. he had to be stretchered (spelling?) off by ski patrol and get xrays and all that jazz. thankfully he was ok.. but he was badly limping.. and the nurse said he had a bleeding liver. this sorta freaked us out at first, cos a bleeding liver sounds really bad .. but she was like "yeh itll be fine in a week".

i got a lift home.. which i am eternally gratefull for.. since none of the peeps lived remotely near me (the closest was strathfield).

in other news: this is gonna be awesome. its not online, but the local newsletter has a pic of what it looks like.. its got like a bowl area and some ramps n rails.. not much flat though.

ignore this: http://celeb.improaustralia.com.au/index.html

what the helen of troy is that?
yay! im going to the snow tonite.. boo! im sick.. gah
im going with a bunch of ppl i only sorta know.. its weird cos i sort know them thru a few diff ppl.. but altogether i dont really know them =p im staying on the snow though.. so i can walk to the lifts and therefore have no need to bother myself with other humans =p theyre apparently pretty good boarders though ..so itll be a nice change from the n00bs and woebags i normally board with =p

my mouth hurts heaps. on monday i tried to catch a frisbee with my teeth (like a dog does) .. and uh.. i wouldnt recommend you try it =p i split my lip open and i think i almsot knocked out a tooth.

i had a meeting this morning with all of the "App Dev" team. who basically build apps on our infrastructure. and frankly they asked me a bunch of questions that they already knew the answers to, but jsut needed confirmation. so i jsut nodded politely the whole meeting but gave off the appearance like i was very knowledgeable =p

.. lastly.. i suspect that ive fried my videocard at home. the fan was (and still is) making all these horrible noises and i dunno why (i tried cleaning it out). so i kept trying to tap it.. but i think i stopped it.. and possibly overheated.. or short circuited my video card =p it doesnt realyl work anymore.. although i haevnt really had time to look at it properly. maybe i should go buy a X800 =)

Ian lan Lan LAN
achoo achoo achoo.. i feel physically drained today. a bit sneezy and rather sore. frisbee was totally hectic last nite.. it was only 5v5 and in very chilly conditions. i played heaps up and down, like id make a heaps good throw or catch.. then follow it up with a horrible hammer 5m out of bounds. we ended up with a draw.. which seemed quite fair.. but i possibly cost us the game as i went to jump for a disc.. but cramped up so it got intercepted.. and then they scored on the last point to tie the game. gah. still heaps fun though =)

this weekend we had a LAN party.. it was ok.. nothing much to leech.. and not much gaming going on.. i dun even know what ppl where doing, but it was something which wasnt gaming. it seemed like i spent most of the time playing BF2 with nige and bots. everyone is like "nah, i dont wanna play that" to every game.. so we can never decide.. so we just end up playing nothing. whilst i dun really wanna play cs anymore, it was cool when we did play.. cos at least everyone wanted to play.. now its like ppl refuse to play games where they think they wont win by heaps. and cant be bothered installing other games. also i was once again almsot stranded with no way to get my puter home (saved by cameron, who came to play frisbee). i think the chances of me going to a another LAN which isnt at my house have pretty much been reduced to zero. next LAN ill jsut bring a portable HD, since leeching seemed to be the only reason ppl have them anymore. and it doesnt really make sense to go thru the horribly painful logistics of bringing a puter only to use it as a divx/mp3 storage device.

days go by and still i think of you
um.. nothing to report really

work has been pretty hectic though.. 3 mondays in a row something totally major has broken down. ive actually got work to do for once and instead of doing this work, im occupied trying to fix problems in code which was written by some queenslander 3 years ago =p

frisbee was awesome on monday.. despite losing both games. in the second game i had a bit of a blinder to start with. i threw an almost perfect hammer into the endzone to andrea.. the only part which made it imperfect was that she was standing past the endline when the disc got to her.. gah.. those cones are quite hard to see =p

we lost basketball today.. gah.. i played ok. this team was heaps better than us, so i think we did ok considering we were massively undersized. i made both my free throws.. and for once they felt liek they were going in as soon as i shot them =)

.. yesterday i obtained a copy of Xmen Legends for PS2.. its pretty cool. im a bit n00b and all my allies die while i run around wolverine-ing up all the bad guys =p

.. today i attempted to tidy up my HD.. in preparation for the leech.. ahem, i mean LAN party. im looking forward to watching someone else watch repeat episodes of the Simpsons at 4am, cos thats about all that happened last LAN =p

i dont go to parties baby, cos ppl tend to freak me out
so anyways.. ive basically lived in the RBA server room this week after that complete fall over on monday =p its friggin cold in there.. brrr. my hands are cold from linux'ing all day hehe.

i thought it was all finished at about 2pm today..but then at 5:30 tonite the ppl from publications needed an emergancy change to go thru.. gah.. and i had to go down to the server room.. and restart our reverse proxy (dont worry if u dont know what that is, i only sorta do), anyways the last time some one restarted this box was when it broke on monday =p traumatic hehe

.. nothing much else has happened .. ive been too busy (whodathunkit?). i did manage to get to basketball on wed.. and we won by heaps =) yay. i played pretty well, especially on defence.. i lost count of how many steals i had, plus i drew a charge on a 1 on 1 fast break hehe. i scored 5 points (season high).. including a circus shot where i got fouled and jsut chucked it up .. and it went in =) .. i missed the free throw though =p at the end of the game when we had an insurmountable lead, i tried a few fancy-ass passes.. a few came off, a few went horribly bad.

in other news: theres a place at world square which sells melon bread.. mm.. i highly recommend u go and pick some up =)

lastly.. ive been playing with forums.. and i dunno if i have a use for a forum (since no one posts msgs anyway) but i like the design and i might move it to my blog ^^;

there is always something there to remind me
its sorta funny how ppl who i dont even know, seem to know stuff about me or at least think they know stuff. like theres these grads at work who were the year below me at uni (and thus i didnt know them before work) and one of the guys apparently went on a date with this girl who is supposedly my ex.. and im like "uh.. i dont think thats possible, i dont really have any ex's around". and this other girl is like "what about <insertname> she refers to u as her ex" .. and im like wtf? i think i remember my own life. whilst i did drink a lot at uni.. i seriously didnt drink THAT much that id forget forget something like that .. at least i dont think so =p

its a lil bit amusing though.. cos uni seems so long ago.. like its funny to hear inevitably exaggerated stories about what went on back in those crazy days .. not that i have any crazy stories or anything, basketball and broadway shopping centre pretty much sum up 80% of my uni life =p

work today was total crasp. at about 2pm we had one of our Ebanking servers running at 100% CPU usuage.. and im like "eep.. i dunno what to do" .. nothing seemed to be too broken.. so i thought id jsut leave it. but when i went to check the server room, this manager from another section had already rebooted the machine!! .. thus breaking the whole rba ebanking infrastucture =p blah blah blah.. << insert heaps more internet jargon >> so at 7pm that nite we got it sorted out, that is possibly the latest ive ever stayed back at work =p and ill possible get overtime for it.. hehe, its a tough life

its this one thing that got me trippin
today feels really apathetic.. if a day can feel that way. lately ive been heaps meh.. like moreso that usual. im like sitting around doing nothing.. but i dont really find it boring.. im jsut glad that its not painful, frustrating or uncomfortable. i have literalyl spindles of dvds of movies which i havent seen and want to see.. but movies are so bad nowadays i jsut dont think i can stay interested in a movie for 2hrs.

i have no desire to socialise in anyway.. parties dont sound like an exciting prospect to me really.. and frankly their rarely worth the effort of getting out of my house =p its funny how when i was younger.. so much younger than today ... ahem.. i basically jsut wanted to go out all the time.. and i felt horribly lonely when i was stuck at home with nothing to do. and ppl always judge ppl by who they know as much as who they are. but now im not at all bothered that i dont go to parties.. everyone is heaps fake anyways. i dont need to go to some party and hear ppl who i rarely see pretend that they care what ur answer is when they ask "hows work? are you still at that same place?" =p

.. whilst this post may appear angsty.. i dont really feel sad or bored or lonely... i jsut feel really unimpressed with the world atm. but then again im a person who is not easily impressed or suprised =p

.. um.. as for what happened this week.. not much.. we won basketball .. barely. we almost choked. i heaps did a devin brown in that rockets game where tmac scored 13 points in 35sec. i slipped over and lost the ball.. gah. i played ok though overall.. i fianlly made a field goal (yay me) .. but i missed a few layups too cos i sorta rushed them.. gah!

no frisbee practice this week...

.. on friday nite i just went for drinks with work ppl. drinking is becoming tiresome.. i cant imagine doing it for much longer. that girl i mentioned a few posts back has quit and it was her last day. i managed to have a bit of a talk with her.. she was still pretty cut, but i think i managed to convince her that im not nearly as cool as she thought i was =p she is so sweet.. im such a jerk.