i love tacos

ive been in emo overdrive lately. gasp.

for many reasons.. partially cos i have about a month to decide whether im going to recontract. i.e. stay in japan for another year and maybe learn some Japanese, or go home and once again become a cubicle drone who has a healthy bank balance in a time of economic instability. I still have no idea what to do, if i stay, then what am i gonna do after that? my Japanese wont be good enough to get a Japanese job.. so i'll be unemployed and probably broke and with no immediate prospects. but if i go home, ill go back to my same job and work 9 to 5 and my brain will die of monotony. and 35 years later ill retire, and no one will remember. the only thing i know for sure is that ill regret not doing one of the options.. *insert extra pessimisim*

then of course theres the ever recurring female problem. *sigh* whilst in Kyoto there was this place where you were sposed to walk from one big rock to another with your eyes closed, and if you make it, then you will find your true love (or something like that) and a friend joked that i should try it cos i have less time than the others. and its kinda true i guess. My biological clock is ticking.. blergh.

also there was this girl that i was kinda seeing.. im not really sure what happened really. we kinda talked a bit.. but then there was alcohol and some stuff happened. then it seemed to keep happening at subsequent events. but we never really got to see each other very often, and therefore didnt really get much chatting time other than drunk-texting each other. she said she wants to finish whatever was happening which kinda sucks.. but then she still often texts me to say various things of ambiguous meanings which just confoose me.

I'm not really she was ever really keen. the first time we hooked up we were both pretty drunk. and she pretty much ignores me when we are in large gatherings, maybe cos she is shy, or maybe she didnt want ppl to talk, or maybe she was embarassed, who knows. also she was always very indirect with how she says things. like she'd say "karaoke misses you" or "i was just thinking about what you're doing" but she'd never say "i miss you". she sometimes would say things like "i really like you" or "i think we get along really well", but those are things that you could say to someone who you just wanted to be friends with. even when she said it was over, she wouldnt say "im not keen anymore" she'd just say "it doesnt matter if im keen or not, im just confused" which i assume means something like "it's not you, its me". cept we all know that its almost me... *emos*,

it totally feels like another one of those situations where a girl is mildly keen cos she thinks im cute.. and ive been known to fall into the trap of liking a girl just because she seems slightly keen on me. which should be a good thing.. but it seems to be pretty disasterous for me so far.. because within a couple of weeks she realises that im totally boring and so she gets on with her life. and girls who would make the first move tend me to confident and pro-active. pro-active enough to move on to the next (more handsome|richer|smarter|younger|more interesting) guy. and so she'll say "its not u, its me", because you cant tell someone they are boring, thats more insulting than saying ur unattractive. you can pretty urself up.. but you cant interesting yourself up.

also i kinda get the vibe that she thinks that i was only interested in the physical aspects of our relationship.. since that was the only part which seemed to progress quickly. she is very attractive, like enough so people would be like "uh, how did he get a girl like that", if we were together. but thats not how it is.. if anything im suffering from lack of libido lately.. maybe cos i havent had a serious relationship in so long.. i jsut feel like i need someone to hold.. or someone to hold me.

i should probably just get over it. she is awesome and everyone likes her, and i did feel like we there was something intangible there, but she doesnt really fit my usually prototype. i.e. she is isnt asian and doesnt have glasses =p also we havent really had a lot of getting to know you time and we dont have heaps in common other than living in Japan... so i should just get over it. she's gone home for the holidays, i shouldnt really miss her. she certainly doesnt miss me. but i do miss her =( blergh, i need to build a bridge.

the other foreigners in my area are really nice people. they were quite concerned that my karaoke song selections have all been pretty emo songs about heartbreak and loneliness like James Blunt. but almost all of them are going home for the holidays, also im not really sure how many of them will recontract.. so its gonna be a lonely boring new year break this year. i do sometimes feel isolated and alone here.. partially cos of the language barrier.. but then i remember i felt that way in Sydney where i could speak the language and i knew lots of ppl..
xmas is not a public holiday in Japan, so ill have to go to work, then go home and reheat a supermarket dinner then watch "It's a Wonderful Life" then cry myself to sleep. *weeps*.

Labels: emo, females

lets panicking

zomg.. i had my first mini freak out tonight.. it was pretty scary, but i guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. i was watching the season 2 finale of Spaced.. and it was one of those sad but happy episodes where it mostly works out except for one thing where everyone jsut has to accept it and realise what they have actually makes them happy.
i pretty much jsut became emo again for a couple of hours, so it only felt right to write in my diary about how much my life sucks i am.. even if it is an e-diary. since im here i may was well vent a bit about how socially awkward i am.. over the past few years ive tried really hard to remove terrible in your face jokes from my daily dialogue.. the problem is that there isnt much left. i just dont know how to talk to people about things which arent computer games or ultimate frisbee! hooray for being the biggest nerd english speaking nerd in all of Fukushima-ken.
But its not all bad.. the people are pretty awesome, so we like hang out and stuff and its fun.. but i figure one day we're gonna run out of "omg ull never guess what my JTE did today" conversations and then what the hell am i gonna do?
I guess this all sorta explains why i know so many people.. i dont "know" that many people.. if you get what i mean. and i end up travelling to the other side of the world to see if it was just the town and not me.. hrm. *mini freakout* gahhh!!

the grass still seems a bit greener on this side.. but it looks like it actually was me and not the grass that was the problem.. *sigh*

in other news: in japan ull oft be asked what your blood type is (it like represents your personality sorta like starsigns in Australia).. and my blood type is B Positive.. which im trying to also make my life motto.. but its not always so easy..

Labels: emo, freakout

I've signed up for an online TEFL (teaching english as a foreign language) course in preparation for heading to Japan. I haven't gotten that far through it, but its been pretty basic so far. I'm really only interested in the later modules which include stuff abotu how to prepare classes, but i have to do the rest of this stuff in order to get a certification. yawn..

This past weekend was pretty trashy.. i went to a farewell in Wahroonga.. where i had a beer or five.. and backed it up with an all day wine and cheese session.. which i spent the end part struggling to find my balance .. and yet still recording 0.00 BAC on my friends breathalyzer. =p

Since last post i saw Prince Caspian and Dont Mess with the Zohan. they were both pretty awful. i wouldnt particularly recommend either. The former tried to be LOTR and fell horribly short by having a terrible adhoc screenplay padded with awful acting and unlikeable characters. The latter just seemed like it was a movie length SNL skit.. kinda funny.. but a bit much to hold on for the full 90mins.

i dont really have anything else interesting to post.. suprisingly nothing to write about frisbee. =p

Labels: drinking, movies

take on a trip id like to go some day

so i ended up running the minimos in 50:17 grr. i was aiming for 50mins! mildly annoying but its good to know that im close. i ran without a watch so im suprised by time was so close to required pace. also the timing chip they had only measured the ending time.. not the start. and i figured i took a good 10-20s to reach the start line, so i very likely did it in time. but unofficially (blergh)

afterwards i headed off to Lugarno (yeh i didnt know where it was either) for lunch. we had these massive lamb shanks which were tasty even though i wasnt really hungry. It was really nice to catach up with some work ppl from head office.. but the drive home was deadly. since id woken up at 6am for the run i was really tired. i had a few microsleeps on the long drive home. once i was saved from oncoming traffic by a small median strip (phew). in hindsight i shoudlve pulled over an had a nap.

last friday i went to the Sydney Film Festival to see this movie called American Teen. I went in with very low expectations cos it sounded like some boring reality tv-like doco-drama.

this past saturday was really busy. I had JET training most of the day which was awesome. from what i gathered by reading the forums i was very worried that the JET program would be full of anime nerds who spent their days flaming and trolling. but the people there were realyl nice and cool. suprisingly though there are 5 Sydney people going to Fukushima and 4 of them are asians (incl me). we also went to Akaneya afterwards to bond.. and drink.

afterwards i went to this 21st/farewell, where i was the only guy who turned up... there was like 11 girls.. and ian =p it actually sorta looked like a hens night cos the girl had this halo headband thing which sorta looked like those mini-veils that hens nights have. it was kinda weird at the start.. but then i was like.. uh.. this isnt so bad =p

my jet number is 20080300027.. i have no idea what its used for.. i imagine japan must have high tech serial number/microchip embedded in my forehead to keep track of my buying habits or something.

in other news: i finally got my green Ps (w00t!) also i get to burn a year worth whislt in japan. But annoyingly my licence expires in Sept 08? wtf? im going back to the RTA tomo to sort it out. I hope I dont have to pay for a new licence.. it seems liek they made the mistake more than i did, but if i know the gov it wont matter who made the mistake, ill have to pay.

Labels: drinking, japan, jet, running

shot through the heart! and you're to blame!

on monday we had yum cha and lasertag. yum cha was normal.. laserzone was cool but we spent most of the time waiting in a horrible long line. although they kept screwin up our group, first there werent enough vests (overbooking?) then 3 people had vests which didnt work. but we did get a bunch of free games which was cool (although quite tiring). also frisbee was cancelled yet again.. so we filled int he time with 2 hours of 2 person karaoke.. *cough*splutter*.. bleh.. my throat is now sore =p

i've been doing a bit of running(~40km) in the last fortnight, its like so painful but still so fun. im running the 10k MiniMos fun run on Sunday, which i guess im sorta training for. Im very confident i can make the distance, but there are some pretty hectic hills in the run which make it kinda scary. Im hoping the adrenaline will carry me over those massive uphill parts.

im getting too good at turning off my alarm clock. I can sorta do it while im 90% asleep now, which oft leads to sleeping in. It might be time for a new clock anyway cos part of the LED is broken.. causing the numebrs to appear all wrong.

so today i went to the dentist to fix a chipped tooth, which i suspect i got from indoor this week. but apparently it wasnt even a tooth, it was a really really old filling, old enough that i dont remember getting it. The dentist just grinded off the filling and it seems fine now..... except for the 6 other cavities i have! which need to get fixed before I go to Japan. I suspect my old dentist was a bit sketchy, cos It hasnt been that long since i last went, how can he miss all 6 cavities?

i think i may have been clocked speeding this morning. gah! it will be mildly annoying to have a suspended licence when i apply for an international licence =p although apparently if i quickly go and get my green Ps, then ill have 6 points and thus not have my licence suspended.

in other news: it seems that ill be able to wear converse all stars to work in japan (yatta!) although i probably wont be able to wear different coloured ones =p

Labels: dentist, driving, japan, jet, karaoke

turning japanese

so the big news of the past week or so is that i got confirmation of my position in the JET programme! yatta! Im headed to the sleepy town (technically a city) of Shirakawa-chi in Fukushima prefecture. I dont know heaps about it other than what ive read on wikipedia, but apparently its in the mountains, is close to the snow and is famous for its ramen and soba. Oh and google maps shows me at least two McDonalds and a KFC and a Baskin Robbins.

Speaking of Google maps, in Australia if you use the "get directions" function it shows you how to get there by car. but in japan it shows you how to get there by public transport and by foot. Which may by slightly annoying since im gonna drive everywhere in japan, but it is kinda cool that the train timetable (incl fares) is integrated into google maps.

i didnt do much else this week. i went to see Tuesday Spoils at the Lansdowne.. which was ok. the $5 steaks was alright too. also i saw the new Indiana Jones movie, and it gets a bleh from me, it wasnt particularly good. the story didnt really make much sense, the action was cartoon-like ridiculousness and dialogue was just plain awful.

also there was frisbee.. i didnt play league cos of my ribs. i got my ribs xrayed and the results were negative. i did play indoor.. but we still lost in the grand final. grr. i havent found indoor to be great since it quite advantages taller players, but this weeks semi and grand final were both heaps fun even though we lost.

since i misplaced my wallet some time this weekend ive sorta been living on shrapnel, luckily for me i have a lot of it. since i cant really take it with me, i though id count it up so i can either spend or bank it. this morning i counted $239.5. which took a couple of years to accumulate, but still thats a lot. most of it is $2 coins, $136 to be exact. ninety $1 coins, forty three 50c coins, fifty 20c coins, forty-eight 10c coins and forty four 5c coins.

Labels: japan, jet, money

must be toros in the atmosphere

so this past weekend i went to play in the Stampede (v2.0) in Bathurst. at the risk of using a hyperbole it was pretty much the coldest place that any one has ever played any ultimate frisbee. my calves objected to me playing by choosing to cramp up at the same time.

on day one we made it thru to the semis undefeated.. but lost on golden point after i literally crashed out of the game. i managed to run into my own teammate whilst (successfully) attempting a D. it probly wouldnt have been too bad if i hadnt had a similar collision on the previous game. i stopped by the hospital for the usual blaise doctor telling me to take 2 tablets and call him in the morning. useless.

the party was ok. i was kinda floating on a rather toxic mix of panadine forte, sambucca, citrus vodka and melon snaaps. it was pretty fun i spose im still no fun at parties...

day two was the hat. where my team lost on golden point in the grand final. boo. i played pretty badly.. but i did get a big hand block which got a few cheers from some onlookers. the prize for winning was a case of Crownies.. and i ended up sneaking a couple anyway so i dont really care that we lost. there were special rules for this hat, with girls scoring 2 points. as well as layouts and greatests.

i made the terrible decision to play league on monday. my ribs are still sore from the weekend's multiple collisions.. and we won both games so easily that it wouldnt have made a difference if i played or not. especially since the points i played i was pretty much just mucking around and not doing anything particularly productive.

in another amusing story. I sorta had a car accident, where i ran into the back of another car at a traffic light. it was this old lady who was maybe, and we both get out of our cars to inspect the damage.. to which she decides that ive removed a fair bit of paint from the rear of her car. i dont argue, then she goes back to her car .. at which point im assuming she is getting a pen and paper to exchange insurance information. but instead she just drives off. wtf? so i was thinking "uh.. i hit you, you arent supposed to do a runner". i dunno what she was thinking.. unless it was like a stolen car or something, but then why even get out to have a look?

Labels: accidents, driving, frisbee, injuries

i dont go to parties baby, cos people tend to freak me out

so i finally won a hat tourney this. like 4 years ago i played in a hat final and lost on golden point.. and since then ive never really gotten close to winning.. so its nice to finally win. we managed to go undefeated all season with our rather stacked team.
i played like suck in the grand final.. but luckily my team played well to make it look like my terrible throws were actually ok. my forehands throws were all over the shop.. i wouldve subbed myself off.. cept we had no subs due to none of our beginners ever turning up.

however i did score a ton of freebies that nite. giant straw hat for winning the hat, nationals wine cooler for designing the logo, a frisbee holding backpack and a water bottle from a botched jersey ordered like 9 months ago. not bad =)

indoor started this week.. and i managed to squeeze in a pickup game before my 2 back to back late games. we won all three although the pickup game was actually a forfeit. i did the stupidest play ive done in a long time in the last game. we were up by a lot and in the last 5 seconds of the game i tried to make a ludicrous layout D. on the play i not only fouled the guy, i corked my thigh really badly.. on a meaningless play. there wasnt enought ime for either of us to score.. so the only possible result from that play was the end of the game.. or.. me injuring myself. this was compounded by the twisted knee and jarred pinky finger i sustained in the pickup (also a meaningless) game... so so stupid.

other than frisbee i had a rather busy friday last weekend. on top of a family dinner at this ramen place in eastwood.. i managed to make it to 2 farewell parties and also a birthday gig. how unusual for me.. id normal jsut pike on one or all of those cos i cbf turning up. also im so socially awkward, at some point in time i got sick of small talk.. which doesnt leave much at parties where u dont really know anyone... its all like.. "hey a person i vague recognise from uni 5 years ago, but was never really frens with"... "oh, hey.. i havent seen you in years.. are you still working at that same place?" ... *look around the room* ... *attempt to sound witty with esoteric reference but end up sounding smug* ... ... *explain what ultimate frisbee is* ... *absorb mocking about it* ... *attempt to sound interesting with other topical banter* ... *get a beer* .. *stand around looking at a painting or vase or some other inanimate object* .. *try and find an opportunity to leave* ...

luckily this time i actually did have somewhere else to be. i went to see Chris Duke and the Royals at the Excelsior. and i got there jsut in time to for the start of their set. although they rocked out the crowd was mostly ppl they knew (i think) and the dancing wasnt the normal skanking u get, but some weird shoving moshing instead. how odd. also they removed the reference to frisbee in the frisbee song.. but i did get mentioned in a shout out before the song so w00t for that.

Labels: angst, frisbee, injuries

this could all go so wrong, but we're just so happy...

most of the last couple of weeks ive been house sitting in north parra. i didnt achieve much except for unlocking lots of recipes in cooking mamma.. and sucking badly at guitar hero iii. it was however much closer to the office timewise. distance wise its almost the same, but its only like 3 roads to get there.. and its mostly 90 or 80km/h. this of course led to me sleeping in even loger and leaving the house at 8:50 most days.

ive found that when im living alone im so keen to cook a meal on a weekend.. but on weekdays.. after work.. i just cant be bothered.. and i either end up eating out or eating junk. so im all fat and bloated now.. bleh...

.. on a related note: i apparently have high blood pressure! i went to the local medical centre to get this Certificate of Health filled out for JET. and the doc is like "um.. you're blood pressure is like totally high, if i write this on you're form you might get denied"... hrm.. everything ive read about high blood pressure eitehr says to lose weight or to take drugs to reduce blood pressure.. either particularly appealing options. but returned a few days later and i was diagnosed with White coat syndrome which basically means my blood pressure is high cos doctors make me nervous =p

last weekend i didnt do much. i went to this wine night things held by this guy from work. i dont often go to work social outings, partially cos i dont that many people who go to them and partially cos im not fun at parties. this party was pretty much what i expected.. a few hours of awkward conversations with big shot economists followed by drinking enough wine so i can just lie down till its time to go home.

this past anzac weekend i just sat on my fat ass for 3 days. i played a bit of starcraft (cos its like the only game which works on a macbook air) and i watched some Harvey Birdman eps and some Sarah Connor Chronicles. i made a brief step in the real world to go shopping for a new pair of work shoes.. which ive needed badly for about 2 months. i came away with some pair which seem nice, and i got the last one in store which was half price and in my size (score!)

in other news: my life isnt exciting... if only i could move to japan and start over...

Labels: jet, medical

See I'm a young soul in this very strange world

so i've recovered from my illness which turned out to be shingles. which is very strange since no one can remember me ever having chicken pox.. and its a pre-requisite to getting shingles. hrm.. i guess i mustve just had a really really mild case of it. so mild that no one noticed i had it =p

on the weekend i went to hunt and connie's farewell.. which involved a small picnic in the park.. and some fake skateboarding (insert link to facebook). followed up by some laserzone-ing. its been a few years since i last went.. but its totally awesome. i got better each game.. but in the first game i didnt know where any of the bases were which sorta made my score heaps crap. also the first game had these annoying kids who would follow you around after u killed them.. and just constantly shoot at u until their guns turn back on.. grr.

the place also featured DDR for the wait between games =) im heaps rusty so the diagonal ones kinda screwd me.. but its still such a mad game.. ill have to break out the PS2 version again sometime =)

anyhoo the fare was cos they are leaving to travel around the world making a documentary... which is awesome. if only i could quit my job to do something adventurous..

.. speaking of which i got a letter in the mail today which was mostly fluff.. but included this segment "You are now scheduled for a placement in a Contracting Organisation, which is possible in almost all cases." w00t! in "almost all cases" im in.. although im not sure how many "almost all" is =p .. but if you're not doing anything from this July thru till next July, you should come visit me at some undisclosed location in japan which i might be at.. hopefully.

in other news: ur maybe wondering why ive got 3 posts in one day.. its cos i wrote the first 2 and forgot to publish them.. i guess i wasnt paying attention or something =p

Labels: injuries, jet