i dont go to parties baby, cos people tend to freak me out so i finally won a hat tourney this. like 4 years ago i played in a hat final and lost on golden point.. and since then ive never really gotten close to winning.. so its nice to finally win. we managed to go undefeated all season with our rather stacked team.
i played like suck in the grand final.. but luckily my team played well to make it look like my terrible throws were actually ok. my forehands throws were all over the shop.. i wouldve subbed myself off.. cept we had no subs due to none of our beginners ever turning up.

however i did score a ton of freebies that nite. giant straw hat for winning the hat, nationals wine cooler for designing the logo, a frisbee holding backpack and a water bottle from a botched jersey ordered like 9 months ago. not bad =)

indoor started this week.. and i managed to squeeze in a pickup game before my 2 back to back late games. we won all three although the pickup game was actually a forfeit. i did the stupidest play ive done in a long time in the last game. we were up by a lot and in the last 5 seconds of the game i tried to make a ludicrous layout D. on the play i not only fouled the guy, i corked my thigh really badly.. on a meaningless play. there wasnt enought ime for either of us to score.. so the only possible result from that play was the end of the game.. or.. me injuring myself. this was compounded by the twisted knee and jarred pinky finger i sustained in the pickup (also a meaningless) game... so so stupid.

other than frisbee i had a rather busy friday last weekend. on top of a family dinner at this ramen place in eastwood.. i managed to make it to 2 farewell parties and also a birthday gig. how unusual for me.. id normal jsut pike on one or all of those cos i cbf turning up. also im so socially awkward, at some point in time i got sick of small talk.. which doesnt leave much at parties where u dont really know anyone... its all like.. "hey a person i vague recognise from uni 5 years ago, but was never really frens with"... "oh, hey.. i havent seen you in years.. are you still working at that same place?" ... *look around the room* ... *attempt to sound witty with esoteric reference but end up sounding smug* ... ... *explain what ultimate frisbee is* ... *absorb mocking about it* ... *attempt to sound interesting with other topical banter* ... *get a beer* .. *stand around looking at a painting or vase or some other inanimate object* .. *try and find an opportunity to leave* ...

luckily this time i actually did have somewhere else to be. i went to see Chris Duke and the Royals at the Excelsior. and i got there jsut in time to for the start of their set. although they rocked out the crowd was mostly ppl they knew (i think) and the dancing wasnt the normal skanking u get, but some weird shoving moshing instead. how odd. also they removed the reference to frisbee in the frisbee song.. but i did get mentioned in a shout out before the song so w00t for that.

Labels: angst, frisbee, injuries

is it that its fun, or that it lets you forget yourself?
i totally meant to use the word 'epiphany' in my last post.. cos that was the feeling i was sorta having. but i forgot.. and its probably best since i dont really think being disillusioned is really the same as having an epiphany.

ive been thinking i need a more permanent solution than escaping to japan for a year. or maybe on top of escaping to japan. ive flirted with the idea of Masters or a PostGrad Dip.. which are in the maybe list. but i think something which doesnt use so much left side of the brain might be better for me. some guy somewhere once said "Does the routine destroy our creativity or do we lose creativity and fall into the routine?". there was once a time where i dreamed of studying visual communication and living a life which wasnt enclosed in a cubicle. what ever happened to that? did predicate logic and the pumping lemma kill the right side of my brain? or did i just outgrow it somewhere around the HSC?

i guess i could learn an instrument.. im not sure Guitar Hero or Drummania really count =p

in other news: the We Major mixtape by Fort Minor totally rocks my world. its pretty much impossible to get a hold of though. maybe try and find a torrent.

Labels: angst

theres gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high
i think ive probly used this title before but its actually appropriate this time. this week has been pretty weird for me. i cried for the first time in as long as i can remember. not cos something died or cos some girl hurt me or cos i felt physical pain, but cos i felt mediocre.

i think Avenue Q quite accurately sums up my thoughts:

"I wish I could go back to college.
In college you know who you are.
You sit in the quad, and think, Oh my God!
I am totally gonna go far!"

i dont want to go back to college btw.. but i just i think im aiming way too low. i mean out of HS i was all labelled with "potential" and my uni marks screamed "future somebody" .. yet all ive achieved is a dead end government job where i work for the man and am headed towards a picket fence house paid off with a 30 year mortgage. maybe i could even have 2.4 kids. those are all nice things.. but ive always thought i could have a more exciting life than that. so far all ive done is save a deposit for a house that i may or may not ever buy. but i can sit in there alone and tell the story of how i sat in a cubicle for 30 years and didnt do any work.

and i dont mean i could make more money.. or i could be some big shot in some investment bank. i could probably do those things if i tried. but i mean jsut do something worthwhile.. or noteworthy. when ppl ask me "whats new" i want the answer to not be "the same as last decade".

these are of course quite solvable problems except for a few issues. the first is that my brain is dead, it was once creative but now it can only think of ways to improve web infrastucture.

the next is that im a wuss. i dont hate my life.. im just bored of it. i cant quite see if the grass is greener on the other side. ppl tell me is nice over there, but who can trust ppl anyway? am i gonna jump over this fence to maybe see some maybe sorta slightly greener grass? this side isnt so bad... its comfy and i can see as far 30 years in front of me looks pretty clear sailing.

lastly the excitement is gone. by that i mean im not excited by things anymore.. like anything. i find everything tedious now, even things i like. i dont even know what i want.. and thats why its so hard to get. im looking for something, but i dont know what it looks like.

... gah.. how deep. i should write an emo poem to make shakespeare turn in his grave.

The fog of today blurs my vision.
its not dark.. but i can hardly see
whats over there?
something i want
or something i want to avoid?
should i leap into the fog?
is that a rock over there?
my feet are sinking
but so slowly that it doesnt really bother me.

ill call it "Evaporating Life" by em0b0y1980

Labels: angst